Wednesday, 25 June 2008

This year has been transitionary- a good six months promoting change and every other wonderful notion that signifies a difference between the past and what is to be the future.
and yet i cannot appreciate it because something inside of me is changing and i cannot understand it. and though it may sound like im pregnant (or perhaps merely adolescent) it is not that...hmmm. but actually pregnancy may serve as an appropriate analogy.
its like something inside is growing- it holds both a hope and fear, both desire and uncertainty and i cannot exactly identify it. (i think this is where the analogy fails me for in pregnancy you hope to be certain that it is a human child growing inside of you.)
perhaps it is just that i am going to university- but thinking of uni barely crosses my mind. i was much more consumed with it a year ago than i am now, standing on its very threshold.
its a captivating and mildly frustrating thought: that there is something anew that is beyond me and yet both within and without me.


maybe i just want to do things that have purpose beyond this lifetime.

maybe i just want to join something like Amnesty International for the next 5 years.

maybe i just want to volunteer myself in a theatre company.

maybe i just want to sleep and eat and listen to music.

maybe i want to learn the piano again.

maybe i just want to run all the way to the nearest beach and watch the stars.

maybe... maybe i just want to do things that have purpose beyond this lifetime.

12:07 am

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